I'd Lie
by mrstrekkiemonster
Summary: If you asked me if I love him...
1. Gill

_**Set at the very beginning of season one and inspired by the Taylor Swift song. ( btw I do not own either of these things I'm just borrowing ;0)**_

I sit in the passenger seat of his car and look across at him. He's pissed off with the guy who just stole the parking space. His eyes are blazing. I gaze into the hazel pools and become lost in them. This man is a mystery to most people but I know things about him. He hates injustice, to the point of obsession. He's going to teach this guy in the flash car a lesson even if it has consequences for himself. He champions the underdog. He leaves his car in the middle of the street and walks towards me smirking. He has that 'who me' look all over his face like a little boy who has done something wrong but it's kinda cute so you don't get mad.

We walk into our building and straight into his ex wife. She's standing arms crossed looking like she wants to chew him up and spit him out...again. I know how much she hurt him when she left. I know how many times they split up and got back together again before they actually separated for good. He swears he'll never fall in love again. I hope he's wrong. He has so much love to give. Underneath his gruff exterior he's romantic, a real softie. Over the years some of the soft edges have been hardened but it's still there if you know where to look. I leave them to it and go and hide in the safety of my office. After about 10 minutes I hear yelling followed by a door slamming. I look out of my office door in time to see Zoe stomping out of the building. I head for his office to check he's ok. I knock on his door but when there's no answer I walk in. I find him in his private office where I am greeted with a gorgeous sight. He's standing there stripped to the waist rubbing a towel over wet hair. He looks up and catches me staring. A slight blush colours my cheeks at getting caught. He throws the towel into the corner and reaches for a shirt.

"Bloody woman" he says "threw a jug of water over me!"

He looks indignant as I try to hide my laughter.

"Oh poor baby." I tease. He glares at me in a way that intimidates most people but I can see through him.

He's never as mad as he seems. He lets people think he's crazy so they don't question him. I know his mother's death made him the way he is, not just the reason he does this job, but it's the reason he has to fix everything, he's trying to atone for letting his mother down even though there was nothing he could do. It's why he's like he is with Emily. He's a brilliant Dad. He doesn't want Emily to know what it's like to only have one parent which is why he puts up with so much crap from Zoe. I make sure he's ok and head back to my office.

Later that evening when I'm alone and pretty sure everyone else has gone home my thoughts wander to him again. I know lots of trivial stuff about him, like when his birthday is, his favourite colour, what kind of music he likes. Not that he'd ever admit to any of it because he doesn't do 'mushy let's get to know each other stuff'. I know about his shady past. I know a lot more than he thinks I do. I know he did things he's not proud of but they are behind him now. Although every now and again the old Cal Lightman surfaces and I feel an overwhelming need to protect him from that. I think about all of the times he's been there for me. People wonder why I put up with so much from him but the truth is he gives so much more than he takes. He listens to me, he talks to me and he's always there for me. He'd never let anyone see him cry, but I have, only once. He cried for me when they took my baby. We never discussed it afterwards but sometimes he looks at me for a second longer than is necessary and that's all that needs to be said. I know how much he despises my husband because he sees things he thinks I don't. He feels he has to protect me even if I don't need it. He assumes I'm naive but I'm a lot wiser than he thinks.

Suddenly something interrupts my daydream. Someone is calling my name. I look up and see him standing in the doorway. I don't know how long he's been standing there but by the look on his face it's been a while. I smile sheepishly. I hope he won't realise I was thinking of him. He says nothing but his face tells me I've been caught out. His face tells me a lot about him. I see the way he looks at me and I know he sees me too but if you asked me if I love him...I'd lie.


	2. Cal

I'm trying to do some paperwork in my office when to my relief someone interrupts me. I look up to see a vision of beauty standing in my doorway. Oh god, she's wearing that red dress! Doesn't she realise the effect that one seemingly harmless item of clothing has on me. That red dress is my Achilles heel. I can't think straight when I see her in it. It fits her perfectly and I can't help run my eyes over her body when she's wearing it. I can judge her mood by the clothes she wears. I know for example that if she wears grey she's feeling down and I need to cheer her up. I know all sorts of other things about her too. Like what kind of perfume she wears, like she loves chocolate pudding, like her favourite holiday is Christmas. People think she's sweet and innocent but she can be tough when she needs to be. She doesn't take any crap, especially from me. I love the look she gets when she's looking at me like I'm crazy...just like she's looking now. Oh crap. I've been staring at her in that dress and my brain hasn't managed to get a coherent sentence out of my mouth. Grinning at me she asks me a question about the case we're working on and I manage to reply without drooling.

Later, when we've wrapped up the case and I'm alone again I catch sight of a photo of Emily. I pick it up and am reminded how lucky I am to have her. My thoughts return to Gillian and how I've always thought what a wonderful mother she would make. I know the struggle she went through trying to conceive naturally. Disappointment after disappointment, yet she never gave up hope. Then she got Sophie and it was just perfect. I had never seen her so happy, so content. And then they took her away and something inside her died and she'll never be the same. They took her baby and with it her hope. The night they took Sophie, she came to me and I held her. I cried with her because the pain on her face broke my heart. We never speak of that night but sometimes she looks at me for a moment longer than necessary and that's all that needs to be said.

She's a caring compassionate woman. She wants to discover the reasons behind the emotions we can read. She's the heart of our company, without her we'd be lost, me particularly.

I am pulled from my thoughts by knocking. I look up to see her standing in my doorway again. This time she's holding a bottle of whisky.

"I thought we could celebrate." she says.

I nod and she sits on my couch and kicks off her shoes. I love the fact she feels so comfortable around me. I know she finds it hard to really trust people because of her father. Those mushy romance novels she's so fond of were her escape back then. She still reads them now because I know underneath the level headed, realistic exterior, she dreams of her happy ever after. She's watching me again and I wonder if she knows I'm thinking about her. One look at her beautiful, expressive face lets me know she does. She sees a lot more than she lets on. I know she sees how I feel about her just as I see how she feels about me. But if you asked me if I love her... I'd lie.


End file.
